DDS–Daddyless Daughter Syndrome

How many of us are daddyless daughters.  The amount of women I know personally without a father presence is astonishing, myself included.  We are left feeling unloved, unwanted, unattractive and unworthy. A mother teaches us to love, to care and nurture ourselves and others. But daddy sets the example for who to love. He sets the values you must hold yourself to before opening up to any one. Daddy is our first love, without him in our lives our perception of relationships is based off of how it was with daddy.  I know many fathers today who are active in their daughters lives. The things they say they will do when she is older always makes me so enlightened that some young girl will not be devalued at a young age. My father was not the one looking out for the young boys chasing after me. My cousins were constantly on my heels trying to scare the boys away. But they were not adults so how would they teach me that a nineteen year old man is to old for a thirteen year old girl? Receiving candy and a hug from a boy does not mean you are required give him a kiss.  Who will teach us the trickery of young boys and older men?  How will we protect our bodies and most importantly our hearts? In my household sex was a daily topic. To hear a conversation about sex was just as normal as asking “can you pass the potatoes.” I knew what sex was by time I was six, I knew more things than most adults do in their twenties. I knew what men would do for it, how much they would pay for it and how to keep them wanting it. I even knew all the tricks to keep them interested by time I was a teenager. My father never told me not to have sex as a teenager. I learned by example, sex was used for profit where I come from. I never exchanged sex for money but  I also was never taught that virginity is priceless and I am worth more than some random sex romp in the back of a car. However I was taught that all men cheat and to use him for his money. I was a head case and suicidal that was kept secret. I mean with these values I was devalued before I could even fathom my worth. I knew I was worth money because I always had the finest clothes, I wasn’t lacking in that department. Which lead me to think, once I started liking boys, I guess someone will have to pay for what I want so I better like someone who looks as good as me and can buy me things here and there. And what does he get in return? Sex and my love of course. That’s what every daddyless daughter resorts to at some point. We want the attention, the love and I definitely needed that. So we give them what we know will give us what we need.  I had more boys show up to all the extracurricular activities in middle and high school than my dad did all the years I was in school. And boy was I busy, busy having all the boys chase after me and I soaked up the attention. I played sports just because it would get me out of the house and someone’s attention. I mean I had to get it somewhere. And sometimes I think my dad was clueless, how could he not be he was never around. He always chose his “women”over me.  So we girls who give ourselves only to receive what we think is love in return get the famous household names; slut, hoe, whore, fast ass ect. But no one stops to ask us why we do what we did? Did you ever think that she really isn’t any of those things at all, she actually cared about those people she gave herself to and was used for their advantage. Any one who gave her any attention was worthy of her. Because attention meant she is wanted or loved. At least for a little while until the boy or man got tired and found another victim. Yes we are victims. I call it daddyless daughter syndrome, DDS.  Girls and women are promiscuous, needy, clingy, and depressed. Our outlook on life is find someone to love us to replace the love that wasn’t given by daddy. This carries into adulthood where we have women with daddyless children. Her desire for love out weighed her common sense to choose a good man to father her children.  So her children will possibly go through the same cycle. And yet she still feels unwanted, unloved, unattractive, useless and now abandoned. We have to heal from all the pain we harbor inside of us. Purge it, dump it, scream, kick, punch, cry whatever you have to do we have to let it go. I’ve shed many tears over the past year of how I wish it would have been different with my father.  And I’ve learned to let go of daddytales, fairy tales of how daddy should have been. He’s not going to change and I shouldn’t beat myself up about what he left behind. I should forgive my self for the all the things I did in the past because I didn’t know any better. Most importantly i know I am worthy of all great things, I am loved by myself more than any one person can love me, I am sexy, I am wanted and I am free,   That little girl inside of me who desired to be loved by daddy so badly has grown up into a wonderful women with extraordinary values.  When I was twenty-one I asked myself will anyone ever truly love me or even like me for me and not for what I can give them. And over a year ago I gave myself an answer. YES! The first person to truly like me and love me was me.

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5 comments on “DDS–Daddyless Daughter Syndrome”

  1. Deep Deep Deep thank you for sharing!

  2. You mentioned many good and enlightening statements! So sad but so true. 😦

    I also just recently wrote something like this..titled: “All she really ever wanted was a daddy”. http://www.songsofintimacy.wordpress.com

  3. how did you make that realization that you were worth infinitely more than what you could give to others? Did you go to counseling? Did you just have an epiphany? So many young (and old) women suffer from the pain of not having a daddy. Read my post “Happy Fatherless Day” at my site http://www.greekamericangirl.com


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