Hospital, Dignity

 

Excuse me while I find my dignity

That which was stripped of me 5 minutes of being here

A closed door requires a knock before entering

Just because I have to undress and change clothes does not mean I am comfortable with you seeing my ass

And no you don’t get a pass for being a health professional

Clearly your job, as mine did to, offers you the visibility of naked bodies

But please drape my legs, those that which are spread wide for you to peer between to see my insides

And more so don’t open the damn door while in that position to look for another physician

It’s violating enough that 3 individuals have to look at my stuff

2 to feel my insides and sometimes a damn nurse comes in standing idly by

Humiliating as it is, all I can do is close my eyes or look at the ceiling and fuck you in my head and hope this is best thing for a healthy kid

With tears streaming down my face and your hand knuckle deep in my vagina you give me more bad news

You even look confused, as if you didn’t do your job adequately which expresses my thoughts accurately

You explain to me the incompetency of my body, how less womanly and incompletely motherly I may be

How I can produce life but have a hard time sustaining it, how I can get pregnant but my body fights to maintain it

I’m filled with hatred, violated, my trust destroyed but somehow I have to manage hope for my unborn boy

So excuse me while I find my dignity because after going through this every week I don’t know how to be

Can you please respect me enough to shut up with the I’m sorry

Keep me covered while you examine me

And for god’s sake, please, only 1 doctor with hands in me

Because while being told my body is incompetent and there is small hope for my baby

I’d like to keep my fucking dignity

 

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